AUTHOR’S NOTE: I’ve kept this article spoiler-free, for the most part. I have tried my best not to talk about anything too shocking or surprizing that would ruin your play experience because doing that sucks. Also, did you know that Keyser Soze killed Dumbledore and was a ghost the whole time?
CAN I PLATINUM THIS: Like its predecessors, a number of these trophies are story or level related. If you can bring yourself to actually completing the story here, then go for it. It may require you to ignore things unrelated to the main story, and who even does that? I’m pretty sure that’s one of the warning signs of being a sociopath.
INITIAL SELECTION: A love of Bethesda games and a selective memory for their glitches and shortcomings is a requirement here. In lieu of an HD PS4 remake of Skyrim, you could play this.
BRIEF SYNOPSIS: Your carefully-crafted-but-still-somehow-ugly character awakens in a nuclear-desolated future, where you must look for your lost child named Shaun the McGuffin. Of course, this is a Bethesda game, so you spend your time doing basically anything but. Poor baby Shaun will have to fend off supermutants and ghouls by himself! A settlement needs your help, damn it!
GAMEPLAY REVIEW: Still buggy. Still excellently terrible. Or terribly excellent.
BEST PARTS: The top two for me are Curie’s cute French accent, and that the Railway rifle makes train noises. Choo, Choo, motherlicker! The modding and base-building were excellent and I still cannot believe how many settlements they put in the damn game. I spent a good deal longer than I should have organizing and arranging this business. Not knowing what your settlers were supposed to be doing was annoying, but that was kindly fixed in one of the recent patches. What is the function of Brahmin at the settlements, though? I platinumed this game and I still don’t understand a bunch of stuff.
WORST PARTS: Constant settlement-assistance missions. After I finished the game, one of my friends told me that if you leave the mission semi-completed (as in, do not turn the mission in to Preston), then you stop getting settlement missions. Good advice. Thanks a lot for telling me after I actually finished the game, jerk.
I feel like a lot of stuff was glossed over too quickly or unexplained during the game too, especially related to base-building. Did you know that there is a maximum amount of placeable items in a settlement? I didn’t, until maybe the day before I platinumed the game, because I could not figure out why a settlement was not letting me place anymore items. Then, after about half an hour, I saw a tiny prompt in the top-left of the screen. Terrible. I also thought for a long time that you had to have items on your person when crafting for settlements, and I had no idea about trade routes either. Figuring out stuff for yourself is fun sometimes, but it rustles my jimmies thinking about how long I spent fast-traveling around settlements to transfer copper and adhesive around. I’m shaking my fist at the heavens right now IRL, just so you know.
Also, mirelurks can suck it. If I ever see a mirelurk queen again, I am going to have a breakdown.
BIGGEST SURPRIZE: Why the guff are there so many mannequins everywhere? What is up with those cymbal monkeys? What are these little model robots I keep finding and building? Why do feral ghouls sometimes have names? Fricken creepy.
COLLECTABLES?: There are the 20 bobble-heads. For unofficial collectables, there are 120 magazines. This is a huge selection, offering some future-iffic perks from different hairstyles at the barber, custom power armor paintjobs, or the ridiculous holotape meta-games. You only need 20 magazines for the magazine trophy though, so there’s no need to grind! I purposefully didn’t search for them all to keep them as a little treat whenever I would stumble upon them. Lovely.
WOULD I BUY THE DLC OF THIS GAME?: I bought the Season Pass a little while back, admittedly when I was all hyped and loaded on real life nuka-cola (whiskey). Although now that I have platinumed the game I do feel a little burnt out from playing it, I am still quite interested to see what stories and twists they can roll out for me here. As those bad internet tattoos often tell me, “No Ragrets.”
FIRST TROPHY: Future Retro 2015/11/11 11:18PM
See the description for the ‘so easy that it is kindof pointless’ trophy.
PLATINUM: Platinum Trophy 2016/02/22 12:57AM
The description of this trophy is ‘Collect all other 50 Trophies for this Trophy.’ I am annoyed at how literal this trophy name and description is.
MOST DIFFICULT TROPHY: Benevolent Leader 2016/02/22 12:57AM
The description of this trophy is ‘Reach Maximum Happiness in a Large Settlement.’ It was a toss-up between making this the most grind-heavy, but this is definitely the most difficult because there really is no way of knowing how happiness fricken works in this game.
The best advice I found online was just make sure there is at least one food point for every settler, make sure all beds have a roof above them, and build a ton of surgery stations (third-tier first-aid stations only, apparently, which will require the Local Leader Level 2 and the Medic Level 1 perks). Even when meeting all the requirements, you make your character wait and/or sleep at the settlement… and it still took me a good four or five hours of MY REAL ACTUAL HUMAN LIFE before this trophy decided to grace me with its presence.
Decorations do not seem to affect anything. Having a well-balanced and functional settlement do not, either. It seems a little cheap and it may be a little glitched, but that’s Bethesda for you, I suppose.
‘SO EASY THAT IT IS KINDOF POINTLESS’ TROPHY: Homerun 2016/02/31 10:34PM
The description of this trophy is ‘Get a Homerun,’ which is pretty vague. I googled it and found out it just means to run around the bases in Diamond City like you’re running a homerun, and I thought that was really lame. I guess they kept the description vague to make us figure it out? Do they know we have internet access? We are not actually living in the wasteland, Bethesda. Not until [NEXT U.S. PRESIDENT] nukes everything, anyway.
MOST ENTERTAINING TROPHY: Unlikely Valentine 2015/11/18 9:25AM
The description of this trophy is ‘Complete “Unlikely Valentine.”’ I had the main storyline spoiled pretty early on because the internet is full of dicks like a serial killer’s gym bag, but this ‘reveal’ was fortunately still a surprize. It was nice to have those. Surprize is a human emotion, so it made me feel like less of a synth.
MOST GRIND-HEAVY TROPHY: …They’re Action Figures 2016/01/31 4:27PM
The description of this trophy is ‘Collect 20 Vault-Tec Bobbleheads.’ I found a good chunk of these just from wandering around because they’re pretty much all in key locations and missions, but in the end, like always, I ended up using a guide to finish them off. When you make a game map as big as this, you can hardly expect people to actually explore every single inch of it. It turned out the very last bobblehead I had missed was at a place I frequently visited anyway (On the hood of a car at the Atom Cats Garage). I think that one was the ‘anxiety’ bobblehead. I don’t need any more perks for that, TYVM.
HAPPY ACCIDENT TROPHY: Future Retro 2015/11/11 11:18PM
The description of this trophy is ‘Play a Holotape Game.’ Early on you pick up a magazine with this holotape attached, right next to a terminal too if I remember correctly, and it played a Donkey Kong-esque retro game. My initial reaction was, “Wow, that is so cool!” I played it for less than a minute, logged out of the terminal, and proceeded to completely forget that these holotape games existed. If they hadn’t dropped this one right in my lap, I probably would’ve missed it entirely.
ONLINE TROPHY HIGHLIGHT(S): Nothing like that thus far, thank goodness. They should really do a co-operative mode though, so I can die by deathclaws amongst my friends.
TROPHY COLLECTION PRO-TIP: Most of these are story-related, but the story does branch off pretty early. A well-timed save, after ‘Mankind Redefined’ and ‘Liberty Reprimed,’ will stop you missing out on the final trophies in each questline.
FINAL THOUGHT: Platinuming this game is not a matter of skill or luck, but a matter of time. You might look at that as a bad thing, but personally that gives my completionist angst some relief. I played Left 4 Dead for about four years every day and came nowhere near 100%ing it, so to think that I could get a game eventually if I kept at it makes me feel good, deep in my loins. You couldn’t spend more time in a worse game than Fallout 4, too. They certainly have given you enough to do here.
Why am I telling you what to do? You’re the boss of your own life. Go kiss a beautiful person and then play the game however you want.